


Make it Rough (Here, to the End)

by EniciaPop (Enicia24)



Series: I'm Yours [1]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Dom/sub Undertones, Light Angst, M/M, but VERY happy and fluffy ending, like i'm talking they think the sun shines out of each others' asses happy king of ending, soft dom johnny, soft sub taeyong, this is all ted's fault and that's all you really have to know
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-28
Updated: 2018-05-28
Packaged: 2019-05-14 17:52:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,993
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14774351
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Enicia24/pseuds/EniciaPop
Summary: in which johnny is a soft dom who wants to give taeyong everything they both want and taeyong wants to take what he can get cause he doesn’t know how long it will last, but in the end all that matter is that they love each other more than anything else in the universestarts during pre-debut era





	Make it Rough (Here, to the End)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [1roomdisco](https://archiveofourown.org/users/1roomdisco/gifts).



> at this point it would be a plot twist if i wasn't writing something because ted encouraged me or sparked my interest in something, because he is a dirty rotten enabler of a friend whom i love dearly  
> i never intended for this to be more than like 2k but then i had to do at least 3k for more feelings then there was a disproportionate amount of feelings to how much soft dom johnny i had which was THE WHOLE POINT OF WRITING THIS  
> basically i've been agonizing about this for like 2 weeks

****

The thing is Johnny hadn’t meant to have this.

The thing is sometimes Johnny doesn’t believe he deserves this.

Deserves to have a career like this, friends like this, someone to love like this.

Sometimes Johnny feels like the trust that his baby puts in him every day they’re together, every time he gentles him down and keeps him there for both of their pleasure and relief, is maybe misplaced, is maybe too much trust and kindness and joy for just one person to have in, and derive from, him.

Sometimes at night when everyone in the dorms is beyond the realm of exhaustion and truly don’t feel like human beings but rather just lumps of things that can’t hold onto consciousness, he’ll look down into the beautiful and, really the only time of the day it is, peaceful face of the person he loves and Johnny will wonder how he managed to earn this, to deserve this, to have this boy be his.

And sometimes dark eyes will stare into his and pink lips will open, and Taeyong will smile that soft heartbreaker smile at Johnny and whisper into the dark night between them,

_Love you, hyung._

-

It doesn’t start off physical, it takes time, years, to get physical, because they are both boys at first, teenagers but really still just boys, with a dream and a wish and days of hard work stretching out in front of them.

So it doesn’t start off as physical.

It barely starts off at all to be truthful.

Johnny is too American at first.

Too loud and full of English and softcore angst about leaving his family behind.

Too much time trying to learn the new social cues and trying to fit into the hierarchy that Disney movies and shows didn’t prepare him for, all while trying to keep true to himself, all while trying to figure out who he was.

And-

And it’s easier at first to just be around the others like him, who uprooted their selves to be there and who knew that at any moment they could be sent back across a sea or ocean or vast expanses of land because they weren’t good enough.

(Which really could have been any of the trainees, SM was an equally vicious taskmaster to them all, but there was a heightened level of anxiety for those considered to be foreign.)

And Lee Taeyong was the very embodiment of good enough.

They could all see it.

Literally and figuratively.

Taeyong was beautiful, even from a young age he had that face of cold dignity and regality that could be seen as intimidating if not for the literal sun that shined when he smiled, which he did pretty often around the small group that were his friends.

He had the natural talent, and the dedication to supplement any lack in that talent with hard work, that most of the other trainees could only dream about.

(He sang the fucking national anthem at his audition.)

There was no doubt in Johnny’s mind, in any of their minds except apparently as he would learn later Taeyong’s, that Lee Taeyong would be debuting one day, because not even the worst coordinators at SM could be that stupid.

-

For all that Lee Taeyong seems at first untouchable, once you make it into his circle it’s impossible to escape. 

Johnny didn’t realize that there was a new sun for his life to orbit after he made friendly with the younger boy till months later when he would find himself automatically searching for him in every room he entered.  Till he was having that previously polite, though no less bright and even years later Johnny still has no idea how he does that, smile now turned to one filled with caring and happiness directed at him every day.  Till he found himself actually pausing in the kitchen doorway of the dorm, watching him putter around till he noticed Johnny and called him in to taste whatever it was he was cooking.

Those were all things that he’d seen Taeyong do with others.

No one was safe from the pull of Lee Taeyong.

He was a star, a black hole, a whatever it was that had the greatest gravitation pull on the universe.

That was Lee Taeyong.

A goddamn force of nature that Johnny realized, probably the first time that he caught sight of that pout or heard him giggle at a joke Johnny’d made or smiled that quiet content thing full of light at him, he was never going to escape.

And why the hell would he want to.

-

Their first time is gentle and sweet.

It what Taeyong deserves.

Johnny tells him this as he whines for more and harder and faster. 

Whines for Johnny to make him feel it for days and to just give it to him, as he fists the sheets in his hands and his cheeks get flushed and he believes that the steady thorough process of being fingered open could actually be the thing that kills him.

And there’s Johnny bent over the desperate boy beneath him leaning in to place soft kisses to his jaw and cheeks.

And whispering in his ear.

_No. Not today baby._

Slipping a third slick finger in to join the others.

_You’ve been working so hard, Yongie.  Deserve something nice.  Remember?  Said I was gonna give you something good, but only if you’re good baby._

Finding that spot that made Taeyong’s limbs snap out and joints lock and the words that had begun to come begging out of his mouth, trail out into high muffled wail as he bit his lip and Johnny presses the pads of all three fingers over his prostate, again and again.

His other hand moving up to thumb at Taeyong’s lips, make his teeth release the shiny red bottom lip, so that Johnny can press a kiss to them.

It’s only when he can feel the lips under his own start forming the word _please_ , over and over again, that he crooks his fingers and lets Taeyong feel every inch of their slide out.

Another broken whine and he can feel Taeyong try to squeeze down on them, keep them in.

And another other time, when they’ve had more in depth talks about what they want from this thing between them beyond the quiet revelation that Taeyong didn’t want to be in control and that Johnny would love to be the one to do it for him, it might be grounds for a punishment but for now he just pulls them free and pats the bed for lube while rubbing a thumb against his cheek reassuringly.

The few moments it takes for Johnny to slick himself up and line up with Taeyong’s hole is enough to make said boy start whining again.

Johnny shushes him and slowly presses in.

It’s tight and hot and slick and perfect.

Perfect just like the boy letting him do this.

Letting him push in little by little.

Body practically swallowing him as desperately as his voice had been calling for it.

And Johnny is nearly panting at the control it takes for him to do this slowly.

To bottom out and just rock back a little.  To let Taeyong adjust but give him what he desperately wants with the way his hips are making stuttering movements, trying to give them both more friction but be mindful of Johnny telling him to let him do the work tonight.

To let him set the pace.

And he can see him letting go all over again, letting Johnny be the one to decide how they’re going to do this.

So he bends forward, planting quick soft kisses to every piece of Taeyong he can reach.

_Good boy. You’re so good for me baby._

He whispers into the younger boy’s hair and pets a hand down his side.

Rewards Taeyong for not touching himself by putting a little more force into his thrusts, pressing one hand a little harder into his side.

Giving them both what they want and dragging his teeth in an open mouth kiss down his neck and over the delicate collar bone that’s been staring at him for what felt like years, waiting to be marked.

-

Kissing Taeyong made Johnny feel like nothing else would ever matter.

It felt special and private.

(Even when it’s years later and they’ve kissed thousands times and from the groans of everyone around them it’s most definitely not a private affair.)

Their first kiss is in one of the many practice rooms that made up their world.

Which is…

Only right, in Johnny’s mind. 

It’s where they started and where they’ve kept going and kept living.

And it’s a soft dry thing.

Nearly unremarkable for how fast it’s over and how light an impression it leaves.

Barely a ghost of warmth from lips slid past his own, but somehow enough to completely clear Johnny’s mind of every single doubt and stirring of homesickness that had been making him feel miserable all day.

Enough to make the now bright red faced boy in front of him shine brighter than anything he’s ever seen, and everything just clicks into place with a clarity he didn’t realize was missing in his life till this very moment,  and he takes hold of the boy’s shoulders, who looks like he’s about to run and run and try to say they should forget anything ever happened as if that was even a possibility for Johnny at this point, and reels him in till they’re nearly chest to chest and nose to nose, because Johnny hasn’t hit the last of his growth spurts but it’s probably close to over for Taeyong, and he places one of his hands against the back of his neck and leans in with a slight tilt of his head.

And he shows Taeyong exactly what kind of kiss he wants them both to remember, tender but firm and full of all the emotions Johnny’s been feeling in his chest when he’s looked at the other boy and finally has a name for, for years to come when they think back to the moment that Taeyong kissed him in a fit of trying to make him believe that people did care for him in Korea no matter what it felt like.

To the moment that Johnny realized of course he’s falling for Taeyong.

Of course he was already more than half way in love with this boy who had too much care to give and not enough people giving it back.

He just…

He just hadn’t realized it until that very moment.

So he kisses him in return.

(Kisses him for what Taeyong later described in a daze as ‘a panicked attempt at making you understand you weren’t alone’ and god does Johnny love him for that.)

Loosely holds the other boy to him, ready to let him go if he makes any indication of discomfort, steadily presses their lips together and…

And

And all of a sudden Taeyong is getting rid of the space between them and practically melting into Johnny’s chest.  Leaning his entire weight into his hold, like it’s the only thing keeping him up, and wrapping his arms around Johnny’s neck, putting just enough pressure in the hold to pull Johnny that tiniest bit closer and starts kissing him **back**.

It’s amazing.

-

The thing is

 

The thing is, Johnny’s been doing this for years.

Actual

Literal

Years

He left his family behind and moved to Korea and started seriously training to debut under SM entertainment years ago.

And he’s been desperately grasping at straws ever since.

Pushing himself and pushing himself, to do good, to show the evaluators that he deserved to be there.

To show himself he made the right choice.  That he did deserve to be there.

He made friends and tried and tried and tried and watched some of those friends get their dreams crushed because they just weren’t good enough to stay, and he watched some of those friends leave because they may not have been what SM wanted but they were absolutely good and could find a place somewhere else. 

And Johnny had kept trying, and kept being kept around, and kept trying, and kept being told that he was doing well enough, and kept trying, and kept trying, and kept trying, and kept trying

And there were always going to be new kids that came and went and stayed for a while and went and decided they wanted to make music or dance but not be a face of music or dance.

And Johnny was tired.

And Johnny tried.

And if there were awards for persistence they Johnny Seo deserved all of them.

(Taeyong told him this years later when he was feeling lost and alone in a too small big dorm as everyone around him debuted and he was still trying and being told he was doing well enough.  Told him that it wasn’t fair and it was ok to feel hurt and angry, at SM and even at him if that’s what he felt, because it **wasn’t** fair that Johnny had been working for years and years and years to get to this point and he was still being told to keep working on it.  And if Johnny swept Taeyong into his arms and cried into his stupidly beautiful silver and black hair and told him he could never be mad at him?  Well, that was what wonderful boyfriends were for.)

It’s after another monthly evaluation where he’s been told that he was doing average enough across the board but his singing could use more work.  And it’s been emotionally exhausting enough that he decided to stay back at the dorm while most everyone else went out to celebrate another month being over, Taeyong had quietly told the others he would stay behind and had climbed into Johnny’s bed before any of they had left.

They lay there intertwined as Johnny basically speaks his feelings into the air above them and lets them fall down and wash over them both.  And he’s saying again that when he’s in there and the coaches are judging him he feels like he has no control over his life and sometimes he hates that people are always telling him what to do.   And it already feels good enough to be able to get it out there in the universe instead of bottled up inside of him, and that’s one of the best things about being with Taeyong is that he feels like he could tell him anything and everything he didn’t even know he was feeling and it was ok.

So Johnny is halfway to relaxed, halfway to his favorite way of sleeping with a pretty boy in his arms, and wholly unprepared for what said boy suddenly offers up.

_You could tell me what to do._

Johnny takes it as the joke he thinks it is and laughing asks back.

_Oh, you want me to tell you what to do baby boy?_

A few beats of silence make Johnny open his eyes to look at now pink faced Taeyong who has his eyes trained on his hands that are twisting the hem of his shirt and whispers back.

_Only if you’d like to._

Before he can think to stop himself, Johnny rolls on top of Taeyong and holds himself up with arms on either side of his head.  Stares into those cautious dark eyes he loves, searching for some kind of hesitance about this. 

When he finds none he brings his mouth down to Taeyong’s ear and in a voice that is probably deeper than he’s ever spoken before, tells him not to move and that if he’s a good boy Johnny will give him something really good.

-

It takes nearly two months after they talk out their emotions and start the beginnings of a hitherto unnamed _thing_ for someone to comment on their relationship.

And by that Johnny means that it was a late night practice with the older trainees and he’d was just coming back from a water break with Doyoung talking about some new old series he was trying to catch up on.  Once they walked back into the room Johnny immediately searched out his boy.

A glance showed him and Taeil in a corner.

Both looking unbearably uncomfortable with whatever it was there were talking about.  Taeil had his hands out placatingly, mouth half set in a tight line, and eyes squinted.  Taeyong’s lips were barely opened in an expression of pure discomfort, shoulders hunched, and eyes looking everywhere but at the older boy.

In a few seconds Taeyong saw him and sent him a pleading look, that judging by Doyoung’s laugh and the way he pushed past Johnny to get to them he also saw it.

“Why does Yongie-hyung look like someone’s asking him to do social interactions?” Doyoung asked delightedly.

Johnny tried to muffle his laugh but from the frown being sent his way by the boy in question it was obvious he didn’t do very well.

“I was just trying to make sure he was being safe.”  Taeil offered wincing at his own wording.

“Please never say that again, hyung.” Taeyong begged with closed eyes and a half whine.

Johnny couldn’t help but reach out to pinch his cheek at how cute his reaction was.  A hand swatting at him was no match for the shear temptation of making Taeyong pout at him with those stern eyes and pink tipped ears.

“Don’t worry he’s being safe.” Johnny said with a satisfied smile.  “Very safe.”

The few moments of silence following his declaration were broken by a gasp.

“Oh my god, oh mY GOD!” Doyoung shouted. “I mean we all knew something’s been up with you guys for forever, but OH MY GOD!”

Taeyong let out a wail and buried his face in his hands, and Johnny couldn’t resist pulling him to his chest and patting a hand to his hair.

“Aww so cute~” Doyoung cooed at them.

And if Taeyong pressed further into Johnny’s embrace? 

Well, Johnny certainly wasn’t complaining

A few months later and the teasing doesn’t really let up that much.

Johnny doesn’t care, but Taeyong is so easily embarrassed and he’s so cute when he’s embarrassed that he can’t help but let it just happen.

Besides Taeyong is a big boy and he can handle a little joking from the others.

(Also he’s really cute when he’s embarrassed.  It’s one of Johnny’s favorite looks on him, right next to nearly every other expression Taeyong has ever made.)

Though this time it really is Johnny’s fault that they’re razzing his boyfriend. 

Yuta had seen the limp Taeyong’d walked in with that morning and immediately whooped, offered Johnny a high five, then proceeded to make allusions to what could possibly of caused it.

Doyoung outright said that Johnny needed to quit fucking Taeyong too hard or else someone was really going to notice, and Johnny couldn’t hold his own laughter in anymore and ran off before Taeyong could hit him for laughing at his expense.

(Neither Johnny nor Taeyong would say that sometimes ‘too hard’ was exactly how they liked it.)

“Dude,” Of course the escape isn’t long. Because there’s Mark, not-so fresh from a monthly review session, eyes focused on the way that Taeyong is red faced and whining (one of Johnny’s favorite images) while getting heckled by Yuta and Doyoung (not exactly his favorite thing but there are some things in this universe that you just can’t stop). “Are they seriously making fun him for limping?  Shouldn’t you be helping Taeyong?”

The question is one of complete innocence to the situation at hand, which honestly adds a whole nother layer of funny to the situation.  So Johnny just rests a hand on his shoulder and flashes him a smile.

“Not really, considering I’m the reason he’s like that.”

“What?”

“It’s okay kid, you’ll understand one day.”

-

Sometimes, after days and days of working, of composing, of working through choreography, of going through meetings because he’s not just a leader, he’s THE leader, Taeyong was so desperate for any kind of touch that Johnny could bring him down with a few low words whispered into his ear and a hand settled on his hip.   The younger boy would be so gone he couldn’t form words, just smile that dopey in love grin at him and completely give himself over to Johnny’s simple directions. 

Sometimes they could fall asleep with the smaller boy tucked into his chest, curled into Johnny’s body as though it was the only safe haven he trusted, and Johnny would spend precious minutes with his nose buried in his hair feeling their hearts sync and thanking the universe for what it had given him.  Wake up, his heart already bursting with a soft kind of joy and with a pair of eyes full of love blearily looking at him as the first thing he saw.

Sometimes Johnny places a firm hand at the back of Taeyong’s neck and makes him look him in the eyes.  Presses a thumb to the underside of his jaw, which almost always makes the younger boy reflexively swallow, and uses the grip to pull him away from whatever it was that he was doing.  Grasps one of those slender wrists in his other hand to cage him in and will tell him it’s time to take a break.

Time to go home.

Time to let Johnny take care of him.

Time to be a _good boy for me_.

Sometimes Taeyong doesn’t quite let go of what he’s been working himself into a frenzy on.  His brain moves so fast and tight that it takes more than just the right words and touches to get it to quiet down.

Sometimes Johnny has to strong arm Taeyong into leaving the practice room or the studio.  Has to bundle him up fast and push him out doors and hold tight so he can’t run back to a song that’s been tearing him apart for days.  Has to push food and water into his mouth when he tries to tell Johnny that he just needs to get this one move perfect then he would have come home don’t you believe me.

Sometimes it takes Johnny pulling the clothes off a boy who’s mind is miles away, and filled with layered beats and tangled melodies and potentially ominous memos from the company, and pressing him into their, because now it is theirs, bed and tying his hands to the headboard, before he even realizes that he isn’t the one making decisions right then.

That Taeyong can just let Johnny decide what they do and how they do it.

And Johnny

Well Johnny loves it when he can watch that understanding wash over Taeyong’s body. 

Can see it in the way his entire body goes lax and he can see the way that his breathing deepens.  Can see his eyes become hooded and he doesn’t protest when Johnny moves his limbs.  Can hear it in the shuddered keen as Johnny presses warm and slick fingers softly into him.  Can feel it as Taeyong doesn’t even try to shift around after Johnny pats a warning hand over one of his hips to get him to stop moving.

(Sometimes this means Johnny can take the loose knot out of whatever piece of cloth he’s used to hold Taeyong’s hands up, and when that happened more often than not Taeyong would just keep them there because he didn’t care to move them.

Sometimes Johnny likes to see Taeyong bound up for him. 

Likes that he trusts Johnny to tie his hands back, and sometimes loops ties around his ankles to pull them apart or uses their carefully collected supply of tape to criss and cross dark straps across his pale skin, and to maneuver him however he wanted and that Taeyong would have no choice but to stay there.

God but Taeyong would look exquisite in rope.)

Almost all the time, however, Johnny gets the inexplicable pleasure of guiding Taeyong down into his headspace where he’s compliant and needy and utter putty in his hands. 

-

_What do you want?_

Johnny makes sure to ask Taeyong this.  Letting him know that Johnny will never do more than he wants, more than he’s comfortable with, and assuring him that yes Johnny is in charge but Taeyong has the real power here because of the trust he places in Johnny.

_I only want you._

He’ll whisper into Johnny’s neck when they’re tangled together slipping into sleep.  Against his lips when they’re feeling sentimental and there’s been long stretches of days keeping them apart.  Into the space between them, hands clasped together as they’re pulled in different directions.

Say it with his eyes because his mouth is full and he’s on his knees and he feels a perfect moment of control over the older boy, which Johnny is only too happy to encourage.

Because even though one of the defining factors of the physical dynamic of their relationship is that Taeyong doesn’t have to be in control, in charge, the person deciding what and how things are done, and that he gladly gives everything over to Johnny, who adores Taeyong and is only too delighted to give him what he wants and needs, who is phenomenal at taking things, taking Taeyong, in hand, sometimes it’s good for Taeyong to have these little private things that made him feel powerful.

-

Every once in awhile Taeyong feels a little more confident, a little more like his on stage persona that practically drips sex rather than the sweet little thing that wants to be taken care of, and he’ll take a more overt kind of charge. 

Pushing Johnny where he wants him.

Telling him firmly what he wants and how he wants it and how he wants Johnny to give it to him.

Every once in awhile they wind up like this.

Johnny on his back and Taeyong bent over him. 

And Johnny loves him like this.

Hunched shoulders and trembling arms leading to small hands splayed on Johnny’s chest to steady himself.  Eyes closed and bottom lip bit in concentration.  That full face flush moving down his neck and Johnny wants to kiss it all the way down.

But this is one of those times that Johnny has said he won’t touch till asked.  That Taeyong gets to decide just how, much, hard, fast, this goes.  That Taeyong has to ask for Johnny to touch him.

It’s a game for both of them.

For Taeyong to see how much he can handle and for Johnny to resist the temptations above him.

This can only go on for so long.

Johnny knows that as much as they both love this, love each other more than just about anything else, it’s only a matter of time before Taeyong’s hands find his own.

Only a matter of time before he’s bent and burying his face in Johnny’s neck, a whining mess, asking for something, anything, more.

Pleading with Johnny to make him feel good like only Johnny can.

Like Johnny loves to make him feel.

And Johnny will pet a hand down his back, letting his fingers drag along the ridges of his spine and over the swell of his ass. 

Both hands will wind up on Taeyong’s hips and then finally Johnny will get to push into him. 

Setting a pace with a harsh quick stroke.  Taeyong usually tries to move himself at first, but soon enough just gives himself over to Johnny’s hands pushing and pulling his hips up and down over him.  Thrusting into the tight heat that Taeyong never quite preps himself wet enough to satisfy Johnny’s desire to hear the sound lube lends to the contact of their bodies in a loud squelching noise, and there’s a hot friction that makes Johnny put that much more power behind his own hips.

Johnny knows that he’s at the perfect angle to reach deep into Taeyong and hit him straight on.

Knows just how to bend the body above him just the tinniest bit so that he drags along that spot with each stroke.  How to constantly push and pull and overwhelm Taeyong just like he likes.

Just like Johnny likes to do to him.

Just like Johnny loves to see how at first Taeyong is just trying to stay somewhat upright as Johnny bounces him in his lap.

How he puts his hands over Johnny’s and holds onto his wrists.

How he just leans back and let's Johnny move his hips, with tears leaking out of his eyes because it's just so good.

How he can’t even speak. 

How Johnny can reduce someone who is known for writing emotions and thoughts that touch the masses, to a high pitched broken keening noise that really just eggs him on further and further to a completion for them both.

-

Johnny loves being able to lay in bed with Taeyong like this.

The other boy draped over his chest, arms tucked into his sides, and ear pressed right above his heart.

(Taeyong once told him he liked hearing his heartbeat because it grounded him and reminded him that there was someone who would always be happy to steady him.  That his heartbeat reassured Taeyong that Johnny was here and real and loved him.  That he may not know how he managed to deserve Johnny loving him but it was the best thing in his life.

And Johnny had jokingly asked if he was better than music or performing.

And Taeyong had just looked at him with those solemn soft eyes and told him that he was more important than **anything**.

So sincere it was almost heartbreaking.

So many things felt almost heartbreaking when it came to Taeyong and how much Johnny loved him.

Taeyong was beautiful and wonderful and had such a powerful hold on Johnny’s heart that it was like the earth’s magnetic poles had shifted around him and every compass would point True Taeyong rather than something silly like north.

And sometimes he would look at Johnny like he hung the moon and the stars and like he was the answer to everything.

And it was almost overwhelming and almost heartbreaking.

And Johnny loved it with every fiber of his being.

Because it was confirmation that he wasn’t the only one that felt so strongly, maybe too strongly for how young they were and Johnny never thought he would be the kind of person who fell in love during his teens and stayed in love with the same person well into adulthood.)

They could lie together for hours outside of sleep if given the chance.

Just soaking up the presence of each other and being content.  Sometimes talking and other times taking comfort in the silence, in the fact that they didn’t need to always be filling the air between them to be comfortable. 

-

One thing everyone agreed on was that sometimes Taeyong was startling to look at.

Even doing the most mundane of tasks the boy could look like a model fresh off a magazine shoot.

And it was no lie that sometimes the members would startle when they walked into the kitchen in the morning, still half asleep, to see Taeyong tossing a smile over his should while pulling food out of the fridge.  That sometimes the lighting was perfect when you caught a glimpse of him while he was going about his day and your breath would catch and your heart would beat a little bit faster for a few minutes, and sometimes Taeyong just struck Johnny dumb with how pretty he was.

And of course Taeyong knew he was pretty.

Knew he was the most obviously defined visual of the group when they all managed to debut together and knew that they would be an ever growing group.

He knew it, had known it for years, as he had told Johnny.  Because people never held back on telling him that he was stunning, or that he looked like a character from a Japanese comic, or that he could make anything look good with a face as pretty as his.

Taeyong knew that he had been blessed with a pretty face and the good genetics to keep it pretty because people didn’t let him forget it.

Taeyong knew it in the manner that you know something because people are constantly telling you about it, and not because you entirely believed in it yourself.

Because to him, it felt like people only thought he was beautiful on the outside.  They didn’t know who he really was and what he was interested him or really anything besides what could be seen in a music video or a five minute interview, and it was tiring after a while.

And when he admits this to Johnny in the quiet of the night, and it looks like it weighs heavy on him and-

_It’s just something people say now, it feels like there’s no meaning behind it anymore, like no one really **thinks** I’m pretty they just all know that everyone else says it so they should too._

And it’s a real peak into the insecurities that Johnny knows are just bubbling below the surface of his mind.

It leaves Johnny lost in thought as he finishes taking off his clothes for bed, making sure to put them in a hamper, and trying to come up with something to say that won’t sound like an empty platitude. 

So he doesn’t say anything and just cuddles him to sleep.

It happens again.

Because of course it does.

It’s a part of their lives now, that people say that Taeyong is pretty and they admire his features and then things move on and he doesn’t say anything about it.

It happens again and again and it’s been such a long hard day for them that Johnny is caught between exhausted and wired up and as he gets packed into a car headed for the dorms all that matters is that he just wants to spend time with Taeyong.

Wants to love him and be loved and take care of him like he’s been taking care of the thirteen of them with a single minded focus that is breathtaking and heartbreaking, because Johnny knows it’s one of the ways Taeyong neglects himself and he’s not allowed to do that anymore because Johnny says he’s not.

Old habits die hard after all.

But Johnny is determined to form better habits even harder.

So he has some idea of what he wants out of the night they have together. 

Wants to take Taeyong apart and put him back together with his love as the adhesive, especially after a day where he knows the younger’s been through rounds of interviews and meetings all day after they separated for their own schedules.

And when he reaches a suspiciously quiet dorm there’s Taeyong, nearly passed out and for all the world looking like he’s ready to just curl into Johnny’s side and go to sleep and do it all over again tomorrow.

And

And

And for some reason tonight Johnny knows he just can’t go to sleep with that thought in mind.

Even though he knows it probably isn’t plaguing Taeyong’s mind, running over loops of the slight dimming of Taeyong’s smile and the way it’s no longer cute how he hides his face in embarrassment after the fifth time that day that some stranger, almost by rote, told him he was pretty.  Johnny is struck by the complete and disarming desire to sear just how beautiful he is, how inexplicably beautiful Johnny finds him every second of everyday, into Taeyong’s mind so he never forgets it.

So when Taeyong finally notices that he’s in the doorway and sends him a dazedly sweet smile and a happy whisper of his name in greeting before closing his eyes and settling into the bed again, Johnny is locking the door and pulling his shirt off and pushing down his pants and suddenly he’s at the bed and then he’s on his hands and knees above Taeyong.

Whose eyes flutter open and he jerks a bit at how close their faces are, and Johnny cuts off any attempt at him speaking by kissing him firmly.

Several long moments before he breaks away, Taeyong’s lips trying to follow his, and starts a languid trail over his cheek and down his jaw.  Presses solidly against the underside of that sharp jaw and opens his mouth to take the skin between his teeth and worry at it.  Hands grasp at his shoulders and push him further into the body beneath him. 

Instead Johnny shrugs them off and pulls off of Taeyong’s neck with a pop.

He sits up; resting on his knees and catches Taeyong’s hands as they reach for him.

_Don’t move, Taeyong._

A confused gaze meets his own as Taeyong’s still trying to shake off his sleepiness, so Johnny takes his wrists and presses them to the bed and firmly tells him again.

_No touching.  Don’t make me repeat myself._

Taeyong’s eyes widen and he’s a little more conscious of what’s going on and he gives a fast nod that lasts several seconds, but Johnny still hasn’t let go of his wrists.

_You gonna make me proud, Yongie?  Gonna be good for me?_

A soft exhale of a yes and Johnny let’s go of his wrists and works on pushing the edges of his shirt up, revealing a flat pale stomach. 

Perfect and just waiting for Johnny to mark up.

So he does.

He puts his mouth on that strip of skin and taps light little kisses to every single inch of stomach that he sees.  Once he reaches one end he pushes the shirt up further and gets back to work.

Randomly Johnny scrapes his teeth down, pulls taunt little bits of flesh into his mouth to worry at, lets his tongue give kittenish licks to what’s infront of him and leaves it to the chilled air.

Mostly he holds Taeyong down, pressing the shapes of his fingers into that skin, and whispers into the body beneath him that he loves Taeyong.

_So pretty baby._

As he ghosts over Taeyong’s navel.

_Love you so much._

A nuzzle into the slight ridge of a rib.

_You’re the most beautiful person I’ve ever met._

A nip at one of those tiny pink nipples and he flings Taeyong’s shirt away from them.

_Such a good boy for me._

Delicately chewed into the meat of his shoulder.

And Taeyong’s breath catches. 

And keeps catching.

And Johnny might be worried he was hyperventilating if not for the myriad of noises escaping that throat.

Whines and whimpers.

Groans and tiny breathless laughs when Johnny ventures past a ticklish spot.

And Johnny hesitates when his hands end up Taeyong’s hips, fingers tucked into the elastic of his shorts waiting for permission to take this further.  And of course Taeyong gives it in a half whine and abortive shake of his hips that Johnny stops with a press of his hands and speaks into his ear.

_Told you not to move baby._

He can feel the way Taeyong is panting now as his hands push the shorts down.  And one settles on a thigh and the other skims across his now freed dick.

He does nothing and waits for Taeyong to speak.

It takes the few long moments it usually does for him to remember that Johnny wants an answer.

Wants to know if Taeyong is going to be still for him.

_S-sorry.  Promise I won’t._

So Johnny grins into the side of his face and presses kisses into his cheeks and pets that hand down his thigh.

_Good._

_Gonna show you how pretty you are baby boy._

A shivered response and if Johnny seemed thorough before it’s nothing compared to how single mindedly he maps out the mountains and valleys of Taeyong’s body.

With his hands and his mouth.

Occasionally with a press and a drag of their bodies against each other and he can see the way Taeyong is soaking up every single word that gets pushed into his skin.

See the way it gets into his head around the time Johnny finally gets his fingers into his body.

Spreads him open, hot and wet, and pushes those words into him.

Further and further.

Telling him how beautiful he is when they wake up and there’s barely any light around them but Johnny knows deep in his soul that Taeyong is laying beside him glowing brighter than a sunrise.

How graceful he looks, everywhere they go, how he travels with a light step and an ease of body and space awareness that looks effortless.  Like he knows and is exactly where he belongs in this world.

How gorgeous he is when he’s tired but happy with how tired he is because it means he’s worked hard.

How much Johnny loves him. 

How pretty he is without even trying because it shines from inside of him.  Because what Taeyong is, **who** Taeyong is, is more beautiful that anything Johnny has ever seen or known.

And that that’s what he wants Taeyong to understand.

That Johnny loves him.

That Johnny knows he’s got a pretty face and he loves him.

That Johnny loves him not just for his pretty face, but because he’s pretty all the way through and he wants Taeyong to know that.

That Johnny loves **him**.

Wants him to acknowledge it.

Wants to hear it.

Johnny wants him to say it.

Wants Taeyong to say that he’s pretty. 

Wants Taeyong to feel like he’s pretty, and worth being called it, not just because of some face that people keep talking about, but because he believes it.

Maybe right now he just believes it because Johnny has spent the last stretch of forever ingraining it into his skin with the utmost care.  (Because he hasn’t left one part of Taeyong in his reach without some imprint of just how much Johnny cares about him, and just how much he loves him, and just how fucking beautiful he **knows** Taeyong is.)

And maybe Taeyong is starting to believe it, maybe just because Johnny ~~believes~~ knows it’s the truth and Taeyong trust Johnny not to lead him wrong.

Not to lie to him.

_You’re pretty, aren’t you Taeyongie?_

Johnny wants to Taeyong to say it.

And when he does.

It’s…

So unbearably satisfying.

It nearly tears his own orgasm out of him to hear Taeyong hoarsely cry out.

_Yes yes I’m pretty, I’m pretty._

A second of silence and suddenly the tenderness of their time together is overtaken by Johnny’s need to bring Taeyong to a finish as fast and as harsh as possible with his words echoing in his ears.

_Such a pretty baby for me._

_The prettiest person I know._

_Love you so much, beautiful._

_So good for me baby boy._

And then it all finally breaks through with a scrape of teeth over his hip, a continuous press and press and press into his prostate, and wail so loud it probably would have brought people running if there was anyone else around. 

And then there’s white striping up Taeyong’s chest and Johnny can feel a little on the bottom of his chin because of how he was bent over him.

And he just stares at the beautiful ruined boy beneath him.

 

The boy that **he** ruined.

 

That **he** did this to.

 

That let **him** do this.

 

And fuck if the way Taeyong’s body is shivering through the aftershocks of his orgasm, chest nearly heaving and eyes closed and mouth lax as he takes deep shaky breaths, isn’t one of the most arousing things Johnny’s ever seen.

Makes him want to turn back time and bring Taeyong to this all over again.

Instead he tells himself there’s more than enough time to do this again, they pretty much are going to have forever together at this point, and decides he should get a nice warm damp cloth to clean Taeyong up so he can tuck him in and they can fall asleep together.  He doesn’t say this and maybe that’s why as soon as he gets off the bed and turns to walk away there are hands on his arm suddenly. 

Holding him in place and looking at Taeyong, Johnny can see he’s struggling against a pleasure dumb tongue to speak.  But he knows him well enough to know that he’s worried Johnny’s leaving him, that some part of his brain will still tell him that once he gets what he wants out of Taeyong he’ll leave him.

That Johnny hasn’t fully gotten rid of that voice in his brain, even after all this it’s still there, and probably will be there for awhile.

And that Johnny hasn’t replaced it completely with his own telling him how much he loves him.

Yet.

Because they don’t change quickly, humans are sometime so slow to adapt to new ways of thinking.

And Johnny doesn’t hold it against him; he has his own doubts that still plague him from time to time.

So for now Johnny just pulls himself out of that grasp and shakes his head.

_Just getting a washcloth, Yongie.  Wanna clean you up._

Narrows his eyes playfully.

_Thought you were gonna be good baby._

Then.

_I didn’t tell you. you could move yet._

Taeyong’s eyes start welling up, just like Johnny knew they would at the tiniest indication that he wasn’t being a good boy from Johnny.

_I’m sorry, sorry._

_Didn’t mean to be bad._

And he’s solidly dropped, so Johnny definitely won’t be leaving him.

Even for a washcloth, because he loves Taeyong like this.

Just as much as he loves Taeyong any other time.

_I’ll be good, I promise._

_Please don’t be mad._

Seeing Taeyong drops his gaze and fist his hands into the sheets, Johnny leans over him and pushes a palm against his chin till he meets his eyes.

_I’m not mad baby.  You’re always being good for me._

A few seconds and Johnny holds the eye contact and rubs away the few tears that spilled with his thumb, before Taeyong seems to accept what he says and gives a small nod and tries to settle back into the bed.  Johnny grabs the first thing he can reach, which just so happens to be the shirt he threw off himself earlier, and gently cleans the cum off them both.

_Poor thing._

Places barely there and gone kisses to his closed eyes lids and across the bridge of his nose.

_You’re never gonna be anything but my good boy, Taeyong._

Let’s his fingers dance across his sides and meets the tired giggle Taeyong gives him with one of his own.

_I don’t think you could be bad if you tried._

Johnny’s face is smug and give the other a teasing smirk, then he raises an eyebrow at Taeyong’s cutely scrunched nose.

_Although I wouldn’t mind if you wanted to try it, baby._

Which earns him a cute little pout and a cute little whine.

_Johhhnnnnnnny._

And god but Johnny loves to hear Taeyong say his name and knows he’s smiling dopily at the boy beneath him, but he doesn’t care.

_Yeah baby?_

He cards a hand through Taeyong’s hair and watches as his eyes drift close in pleasure and his mouth suddenly burst into that big brilliant smile that he only smiles for Johnny.

_Love you Johnny._

And really how is Johnny supposed to keep from dropping kisses on every piece of skin in front of him after that?

He doesn’t know because he’s too busy brushing his lips and his love over every bruise and scrape he’s left on Taeyong.

**Author's Note:**

> come yell at me on tumblr if ya like at meetmeinthepit-fightme


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